It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

So it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas to me, the fun the excitement and the stress! the stress of not much money a ton of people to buy for and the whole trying to figure out where to go and when thing! Sometimes' it's just too much to think about! In what should be a happy fun filled time, it turns into a stress fest, well for me any way. Worrying about trying to get everyone something and then worrying if they will like it or not and when I can get it to them! Then it just takes all the fun out of it! I wish I had a ton of money to buy stuff for everyone, but I don't. I wish Christmas was a week long celebration, but it's not. So i'm going to do the best I can this year and everyone will just have to understand. I want to get to everyone's house and spend time with them and not feel rushed. I would love to have a peaceful relaxing Christmas with all my family, man that would be nice. I d0n't mind going house to house, I just wish I had time to see everyone on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day, but I just can't. I hate the whole scheduling thing. It's a problem for me every year. This year, I'm going to try to enjoy it more and worry less. It's going to be hard especially when I think of all the money I will spend and could be possibly losing my job (with the whole state budget thing going on). So I won't know for sure until after Christmas, when I've already spent the money. So what do you do?? I'm going to try to get everyone something, it really should be the thought that counts right??? So if they don't get what they want and it doesn't cost as much as they'd like too bad, i'm kinda broke! I really thought of making some presents, but I don't know if I'll even have the time to do that. I know I'm making one, if I get the time to just sit down and do it!

Another thing that's bothering me is that I hate my hair! I'm ready for a change, I want to change the color the cut the everything! I want to change my weight too! Maybe it's me feeling a little older now (since I turned 28) but I just know I need a change! I need to lose weight, start having more me time and not feel guilty about it and change my hair and my clothes! I need some change and it's coming! I'm just going to make up my mind and do it and see what happens! Of course sometimes I get so impatient I make quick decisions and regret them, like chopping off my hair, but oh well it's just hair right? So I'm going to get it cut in the morning, maybe colored depends on money and time! So we'll see. I'm just ready! Guess that's it for now.

Seriously, where's the romance guy?

Ok, so I gotta admit, I didn't think about blogging this til I read a funny blog from a friend saying something about romance going out the window and I think it does, much too quickly! I mean seriously, it's like once they have you and know they do, there goes the romance, well in most relationships, there are some lucky freaking people (obviously not me) who get a guy that keeps the love alive in the romance department and I don't just mean in the bedroom. I mean the lovey dovey stuff, like the cards and flowers, the sweet notes or emails, the taking you to a special place, or making your favorite food or picking up something for you like sweet tea on the way home just because. I mean I know this goes both ways, but really 9 times out of 10 it's usually the women that do this for the mean, but where's the return? I know we don't do it to get something in return, but sometimes it would be nice! I mean times when they are not obligated like valentines & anniversaries. I think back to the times (9 years and 4 months ago) when Scott and I started dating and it was all mushy stuff and hugs that meant something and so on, I'm like if it's like this after 9 years, good gracious what's it going to be like after 19 years!!! Don't get me wrong he does a lot of good things, but not romantic things. And when I mention it to him, in a way that's very direct (cause you can't beat around the bush with guys, they can be dumb sometimes) I'll say, it would be nice of you to do something romanic againg like you did when we were dating or I miss it when we were all romantic and his response is, get this, I don't know how to be romantic. Oh really, well you sure knew how 9 years ago! Did it all dry up and wither away or what? Seriously??? I'm like you better find it and get it back, cause I want my romance guy back dang it! Get a book or something, just figure it out! I have to say he still does things few & far between, but it could be a little more consistent! And it's like the hugs and kisses are just that, they don't have meaning to them any more or even the words I love you, it's just something we are use to saying, I mean I know we love each other and that's one reason we still say it, but it's not like in the beginning and I know I'm not going to have some fairytale romance, but a little bit would be nice! Geez get with the program man! OK, so that's enough ranting for now. All that really matters, is I still love him enough to put up with him and keep him around, because in all honesty, I don't kno what I'd do without him! Cause, I heart him!

something about Thursdays

It must be something about Thursdays, because I just looked and last week I posted a blog on Thurs, now today I'm posting one, hadn't thought about it all week til now and so here I am. Anyway things are going, I'm have a Me night out with a friend tom. night! It's going to be awesome! We are going to her house and gonna scrapbook, watch movies or just veg and do nothing it's going to be great. I'm so excited and then on the other hand, I'm already feeling a little guilty for leaving Abby, I know she will be just fine with her Grammy til her Daddy gets there to pick her up, and goodness knows there are times (like last week, I couldn't wait to get away), but now that it's time, I'm feeling guilty! What's up with that? I mean I haven't been out with a friend in over a year! So why should I feel guilty? I sometimes envy the Moms that get to go out all the time without their kids, but when I do get a chance, I miss her and feel bad for not being there with her. Is everyone like this or am I just a freak? Ok, that was a joke, I just mean, that I love her so much, I guess I feel like I should spend all my free time with her. The only me time I'm use to having is my drive to and from work, which technically is only me time because I'm the only one in the car, there is nothing fun about it. This morning when I dropped her off, she started crying for me, I haven't had to deal with that in a while and you would think by the time they were 4, you'd be use to it right? Well not me, cause it still breaks my heart every time! She kept saying she wanted to go home with me. And I hated HATED to leave her, but didn't have a choice because I had to go to work. So I've called both my Step-Mom and my Dad already to check on her. I've been assured she is just fine, but still, I hated to leave her. Scott and I go tonight for our first Parent-teacher conference with her Pre-K teacher. I hope that goes well! She always says she doesn't want to go to school, but every afternoon when I talk to her she says she's had a good day, so we'll see. Guess that's it for now.

just some things

1. I didn't realize how long it's been since I'd blogged
2. I love my daughter and miss her terribly, even though I just saw her this morning
3.I'm aggravated with work and wish I had a good paying job in my home town
4. I'm really looking forward to the holidays and at the same time dreading them for the sadness of not having my Mama to share them with
5. Just when you think someone has changed, you find out they really haven't, what a bummer
6. Why put hope in people when they are just going to let you down?
7. Why is it their are always too many chiefs and not enough indians in the scheme of things? And the chiefs are always out to catch someone doing something wrong or messing up, even if it's meanial (sp?)
8. why can't we all just get along
9. I can't wait to dress Abby up for Halloween
10. I'm ready for a visit with my Big Sis, geez I miss her
11. Looking forward to my Mama's night out, it's been way way to long (over a year people!)
12. I miss Abby and wonder what she's doing
13. I'm wanting to go spend a day doing nothing but taking pics
14. I need a family day
15. Ready to go to my Papa's and see some of my family and have a good time
16. Not sure why I am doing this in numerical order, just seemed right
17. I want to go walk next weekend in the Breast Cancer walk, but probably won't and I hate that
18. Thinking happy thoughts of my husband and loving him so much! Happy Birthday honey!
19. Did I mention I miss my Baby?
20. Have so many things to take off work for coming up and I'm dreading it because I don't want to get crap for it!
21. Glad most of my tests turned out fine
22. Love my Dad & Marcie so much and glad I have them in my life
23. Thankful for the wonderful friends in my life and knowing I have people I can count on to be there for me and there is no drama with them!
24. Greatful for old friends that show up and take me to lunch!!! Oh how I've missed them
25. Love Love Love my family
26. Miss my family that I don't see enough!
27. Ready to leave work
28. Want to scrapbook
29. trying to figure out what to cook for the hubs bday dinner
30. Excited about giving my hubs his presents and stuff tongiht.

My Baby

My baby is the most precious thing in my life. I am still amazed when I look at her and know she's mine. I can't believe this one time little tiny baby is now a little growing girl. She amazes me in so many ways and she is the joy and the sunshine in my life. Now, don't get me wrong, she's not perfect, especially lately with the fits and tantrums, but I love her any way. She has a way of melting my heart like no one else can or ever has. When I'm having a tough time at work, I can look at her picture and it cheers me up, that's what love is, a place in your heart that always brings a good feeling and a smile. That's what Abby does for me. My life changed as soon as I found out I was pregnant and changed even more when she got here, and it has all been for the better. I find myself planning things for us to do and wanting to do things, so she can experience it. I love going to the beach so much, but I love it even more now, because I get to see my baby enjoy it. It's such a wonderful feeling to be a mother. I recomend it to anyone up for the job! it's not easy, but nothing else in the world is more rewarding. I can't believe she is four years old, people say time flies and it really does when you have a child! it still seems like I just had her a month or so ago. She's growing so tall and has her own personality/attitude, but most of the time, it's so cute! I love her smiles, and her giggles, her songs and her voice, just everything about her! Mama loves you Abby, forever and for always!

What I'm looking forward to....

1. vacation!!
2. spending a whole week with my daughter & husband
3. sitting on the beach with nothing else to do
4. getting away from work
5. hearing what new things my daughter will come up with
6. not having to clean house
7. not having to dress up
8. swimming
9. seeing my baby enjoy the beach
10. lots of good food
11. fun times and good memories

I'm ready to go on vacation! it feels like it will never get here! we've been waiting so long to go and so many things have come up and we weren't even sure if we were going to get to go! But we are, as long as no hurricanes decide to take over before we leave and as long as they don't decide to drop down while we are there, cause I'll be the first one to head for the hills! I can't wait to see Abby on the beach running around finding shells and laughing. It's so magical! I feel like life is so busy and routine, I don't get the quality time I need with her and when I have the little time at night, I'm usually just so tired, that needs to change! I feel like I'm missing out on her life, and yet I'm right there with her! That is such an awful feeling. I guess that's another reason I look forward to vacation so much is because i can devote my entire week to her and not working or driving! That is a good feeling. I came home last night and after a few minutes, I told her to come here, and when she did I picked her up and kept hugging and kissing her and she finally had to tell me to stop! Luckily she sat in my lap for a little bit and I got to hold her. I miss that so much. She's getting so independent she doesn't always want to be loved on much any more, I hate that. I hope she never grows out of it completely! So I'm going to try to start getting home and making a quick dinner, so I can spend what little time I have at night with her. I wish I could work closer to home so I wasn't gone from her so much. I think it would be better for both of us.

here's what's up

I am so looking forward to going on vacation it is not even funny! I can't wait to get away from everything at this point. Home, work all of it. I should be thankful I have a home and a job, but all I can think right now is about getting away, about sleeping in and the smell of the salt air and the sand in between my toes, feeling the hot sun beaming down and hiding under an umbrella, spending my days in my bathing suit and swimming when it gets to hot, eating shrimp and cheeseburgers and grilling out, helping Abby build sandcastles and collecting shells, that is all I can think about, I have beach fever! It seems so far away, but I know it's getting closer! I can't wait! I think about the ride down there and seeing the Panama City Beach Sign as you first get into town! that's what I can't wait for! This year has been a crazy one already between people at work, family and losing loved ones, I need a break! I can't wait!

In other news, I have had a particular friend on my mind, her and her husband are going through a time with their little boy, he's been sick and in the hospital and had to have surgery. I've not seen her in a long time, but it's funny how your heart still goes out to someone and makes you think of them and pray for them, even after all these years, guess that means she's a good person and was put in my life for a reason. I've never met her son, though I've seen pictures and read stories about him, he is a smart, strong and precious little boy. If anyone else reads this, please pray for him and his parents! I'm still praying for them! Keep your chin up Angel, it will get better!

Abby and I went to Church yesterday for the first time in a while. It was really nice and I was glad I went. It felt like it was were I needed to be and I felt like my Mama was telling me that too, because one of her fav. hymns was old rugged cross, and we sang that yesterday first thing, it may not mean much to most people, but it did to me, it was like a sign saying, yes, you need to be here and then the message, it was almost like he was talking to me. I go back and forth on this church and I don't even know why. Am I trying to make excuses not to go? Maybe, I don't know what it is, but I think I have decided I like to go again and maybe try to make it to Sunday School. We'll see. I just know I want Abby to have that and the only way she will is if I take her. I want her to know and understand about Jesus & God and I'm not the best at explaining it. And I just loved going to church when I was little. When did it become such a chore? And why did it turn into that? I started going back with Mama to support her when I was older and then liked it and the preaching, at first I fought it and had my suspisions, but now, I kind of miss going, if it wasn't so far away, I would think about it, but I think I may have found a new place. Maybe I'll keep it up, we'll see.

It's been a while

I know it's been a while since I've blogged, I didn't really have much to say or that I wanted to share, so I didn't do anything. I still don't have too much to say, but I'm sure I'll come up with something as I keep writing. So here's what's on my mind, in a nutshell, I'm still waiting to find out if my daughter will get in preschool, we first didn't qualify because supposedly we make too much money and it's really for lower income families, I'm like seriously, I thought this was a public school program to get kids ready for Kindergarten, guess I was wrong apparently it's a babysitter for low income families. This really t's me off because they have headstart and preschool and what options do I have? Only to take her to daycare and hope they teach her stuff that she needs to know. I get so tired of getting up and driving 2 hours to go to work one way and working all day and driving two hours back, knowing my daughter will not get the help she needs because there are other families that have a million kids they can't afford and sit on their butts doing nothing all day, it drives me nuts, and if I didn't have so much drive to want to do something with my life, I'd quit work and sit on my ass all day and then maybe my child could get in preschool! The things that really makes me mad too is that she really needs the help, she has a bit of a speech problem, and she needs to be there to get help from the speech therapist, but that doesn't matter, because we both work, apparently we make too much money, so she can't get the help, that drives me crazy! School started last week, we are finally going to meet with the speech therapist and another lady next Monday to see if they have any spots that they have empty and see if Abby can get in and if not see if she can at least meet with the speech therapist once a week to get some help, so if she does get in, she will be 2 weeks behind everyone else. I'm just worried if she doesn't get in and get help, when she starts school next year, she will get behind. And I can already tell from working with her at home, when she gets discouraged or can't figure out how to do something, she's ready to quit. I just worry about my baby, I don't want her to get behind, because she is so smart and so special, she just can't pronounce all of her words correctly. So keep your fingers crossed for Abby that she gets in. And if she doesn't, I've already got a long letter to the editor ready!!! And I think I will send it to the school Board and anyone else that will listen!

gotta get in super saver mode

Things in life are not always easy and that really sucks sometimes. I have a huge decision to make, well I guess I've already made it, I'm not that happy with it, but oh well, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, sometimes you just got to suck it up and do what's probably better for your family. I finally made my decision about the job closer to home, if I get offered it, which I will find out today, I guess I'm going to turn it down. I tried to work the numbers last night and it's just not looking good. I would love to work so close to home and have more time with Abby, but if I want to be able to provide for Abby, it's just not going to be feasable at this time. The dreamer side of me says go for it! But the more realistic side says, if I'm barely making it with what I make now, I'm not going to be able to do it on $15 thousand less a year! I know if I want to be closer to home, I'm going to have to take a big cut in pay, but this was not only a cut in pay, but no benefits! yikes! I know I'm no where near retirement age, but it is something I have to think about now and where I am now, i've got retirement and 401 K, which I've been investing in for 8 years now. And i'm more of a live in the moment person, that rarely thinks about the future, but when you have a child, there are times when you have to think about the future. That's another thing Scott and I talked about was what if Abby needs braces or this or that, my insurance is much better than his and if I take a huge cut, we won't be able to afford them, because after my car payment, car insurance, and a few other bills, I won't have anything left! So I guess for now I'll keep plugging away where I am and see what happens. At this point, I'm secretly hoping the lady calls me today and says, "I'm sorry we offered the position to someone else" that way I don't have to say no! I know that's the easy way out, but oh well.
The other thing is, that if we can't afford (according to my husband) to have another baby on what we make now, there's no way we can afford another one, if I take that job. Now I have to start in super saver mode, if I want to go on vaca this year. Plus I need a nest egg just for me in case of emergencies! The whole money management thing, is a gene I didn't get from my Mama that I wish I would have! I swear that woman could live off of nothing and still manage to save money! I added up how much I spent on gas, eating out and hitting up the gas stations for cokes and junk, for a month, oh my gosh! It was almost $500!!!! CRAZY RIGHT??? Well in my defense, well over $300 was gas alone! And plus some of the eating out wasn't just me it was a few dinners for all of us, me, Scott & Abby. But the gross of it was eating out at work for lunch! I gotta stop doing that! But it's kinda hard, because come lunch time, I'm ready to get out of this office for a while and I get so tired of sandwiches and frozen dinners!!! Yuck! And I have a long drive home with nothing to drink, that's where the gas station comes in, you don't realize a $1.00 here or $2.00 there, really adds up!!! and it's not just me, Abby's always asking for something to drink or eat when I pick her up, so we'll run by the gas station and grab a coke and a bag of chips or crackers, cause by the time we get home and get dinner cooked it's usually 7:00 or later! Oh well, gotta get in super saver mode and maybe then I can get some things payed off, save some money, have another baby and get a job close to home! That's a whole lotta saving to do!!!! Any tips????

So life is good and that is that

I'm having an exceptionally good day, even though I had to get up early and went to bed late - my fault, I got pulled over by a State Trooper this morning - not my fault, well technically, because I so was not speeding! I put it on cruise cause he'd been following me for a while, and I don't have that kinda cash to throw away on a speeding ticket, so he finally pulled me over (almost causing me to be late for my van) to tell me I have a brake light out, ok, gotta go, nope, he wanted to talk, then he proceeds to ask where I was going, so I said the van pool right up the road, I have to work in Nashville, he says, "oh I bet that saves a lot of money on gas," "yep, and if I can go now, I can save a lot and make it to the van" this is not what I said, this is what I wanted to say! so after I told him that I too work for the state and did not know about the light out, he gave me a warning and sent me on my way, yay for me! then I get to work and it's a million degrees in here, but I gotta fan on my desk that works, then the hubs calls and asks me to go to lunch, which never happens, cause he is never in town, but he had to go to the Dr. and got out in time to come take me to lunch! I feel the love, it's a good day! My husband is not perfect, but I really love him! It's been a long time since we were out by ourselves, even just for an hour, it was nice, we should really do that more often! It's nice to have time by ourselves some.
I got to see some of my family yesterday and lots of babies! I just love kids, especially little ones that don't talk back! Ha! So we celebrated Caysen's (my cousin's baby) 1st bday yesterday and that was fun! Def. took me back to Abby's 1st bday! And I got to hold Addi, my other cousin's baby that is only 2 months old, she looks a lot like Abby when she was a baby! I told Scott last night that I would love to have a little boy! looking at all the pics of Caysen, he's just so stinkin sweet! He said a girl is fine, I said I know, I love my little girl, but I'd like to have a boy now, he said well I'm fine with a girl, so I said, ok, I'll have another little girl, which honestly would thrill me too! When and if I ever do get pregnant again. He didn't say anything else! Ha! I don't care, things will work out and I'm not gonna worry about it. i'll just enjoy my baby and everyone else's! Maybe i should start babysitting, that way i can get my fill and give em back when I'm ready!!! that's it for now. Does any one actually read this??? If so, Leave me some comments people!

What to do, what to do???

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately, like money, jobs and babies. First, i'd really like a new job, one where I get to do something I like, as in writing or photography, or one where I feel involved. I've worked at the same place for 8 years now and while the pay and the benefits are good, I just don't feel it, ya know? I'm basically a glorified secretary, even though I have worked my way up the ladder from secretary to admin sec, to admin assist to admin. services assistant 2. I have my own stuff to do, like invoices and personnel stuff, but I also have to do some crap work, that other people just don't want to do. There is nothing wrong with being a secretary, but that's not me, I don't want to be somebody's secretary all my life. Here's the thing, I feel like I have potential, but no get up and go, mainly because I have a family and bills that have to get taken care of and if I run after my dreams, I'll end up broke and not be able to contribute to my family. I would love to be able to go back to college and get my degree in something, but I think I'm too old now and I think I have ADD in the classroom, because I had an all day class yesterday for work and I never thought I'd get through it!!! I was getting done before anybody else, and texting and writing notes, it was so boring! Anyway, I'm just not motivated and I'm such a procrastinator, I want to be a little different, but I think I'm too old to change now! ha, or maybe inside I really don't want to change.
Anyway I went on a job interview for the elementary school in our town a few months ago and didn't think much else about it until I found out the other day that the lady had called and checked all 3 of my references, so does that mean she's interested in me?? And if so, if she calls me and offers me the job, what should I say? I mean it's in town, so that saves A LOT on gas! (you would not believe how much a month I'm spending on gas!!!) anyway, but it's a huge cut in pay, we are talking $15,000 cut in pay! Holy Crap! that's a lot! But the benefit would be that I would be home by 3:30 everyday (3 hours earlier than I get home now), I would be able to leave the house at 7:25 (2 hours later than I do now), I would get to spend the summers with Abby, although we would probably be stuck in the house because we would be broke. I mean there are benefits, but there are draw backs too! I would have no benefits, so Scott would have to carry the insurance, which is double what I have to pay a month. We would have to find someone to watch Abby 3 days a week, if she didn't get in preschool, because Scott wouldn't be able to pay daycare & insurance!
Then that brings us to the baby thing. I really want to have another baby most days, but we don't have the money, especially according to Scott, and I know he's right, but I keep thinking, we'll make it some how, as pessimistic as I am, I can be just as optimistic, when I want to be. But I'm like if we can't afford it now, we really won't be able to afford it, if I take this other job (IF I get offered it), which is just an office assistant, so it's not doing what I want to do either, but at least it will be a change and i'll be dealing with kids some, which could be a bad or good thing, I will be close to home, and Abby will start school next yeat (sniffle) and if I got the job, I wouldn't have to worry about anyone watching her because I could take her and pick her up at school, since I'd be going there too. And I feel like I haven't gotten to be involved in her daycare much since she's been where she is now, because I never see the teachers, they are not there when I drop her off at 6:00 am, and when I pick her up at almost 6:00 pm, they are already gone. I don't want it to be like that when she's in school. I want to be involved and be able to be there and help out. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I know I still have time to have kids, but I want my kids to grow up together and have a close relationship, I mean me and Megan were 9 years apart, and I always felt like I had to take care of her, I had to help Mom with her, so I was more like a little Mama (that's what Mom use to say) than I was her sister. I look at the relationship I have with Jen, and I want Abby to have that. I want her to have somebody else to grow up with and have family memories with and somebody to be bonded to, if something were to happen to me & Scott, I don't want her to be alone. I was an only child for 9 years and I hated it. And now that I've lost Mama, and on the good days where Megan and I can get along, we've enjoyed being able to talk about living with Mama and the traits we have like here and things like that. But I also want another baby, because I feel like I'm not complete, that may sound stupid, but it's like there's something missing, and I think it's another baby in my life. When I'm around other peoples kids mainly babies and children under 1, I just want to hold them and play with them, and I miss having that in my life, maybe it's just me missing Abby as a baby, but I don't think so, I just want to experience that again in my life, holding that little baby in my arm and taking care of it and having my big baby (Abby) there in my other arm. But then I think about all the late night feedings and stuff like that and the sickness and it scares me, because I had Mama to help me when we went through that with Abby. What if I can't do it by myself? So I start worrying about that and then think well maybe Abby was my only chance and I should be happy I have a wonderful and healthy little girl. Then other days I think I'm going to pray about all of it and leave it up to God. He's the one that makes the decisions anyway. So who knows, certainly not me. Any Advice???

So it's one of those days......

Let me tell ya about it, if you care to read it, I got up late this morning about 6:30, to a ringing cell phone with a half screaming husband on the other end, saying I've tried to call you about a hundred times, oh really is that why my phone said 2 missed calls??? hmmm. So after that i'm up, as much as I'd like to go back to bed, which is what I probably should have done! I got up got showered, dressed, got Abby up and ready and we were off. I got in my jeep and looked to notice I was sitting on E, as in EMPTY! Oh crap! What to do? Take the front road, that way, if I break down, maybe someone will take pity on me and be nice enough to get me some gas and not harass me! Since I'm already aggravated, I figured if they tried to mess with me I'd have to do some kung fu, I have seen the kung fu panda comercials and picked up a thing or two. So I coast safely into the gas station, fill up, and then think... did I leave my straightener on??? C R A P! I gotta go back home to check! Cause if the house burns down while I'm gone, it will totally be my fault! So I race back home to check, nope it's off! So I hop back in the car and zoom off! Get to Abby's daycare and there's a down poor as we pull in! I wait a minute, it only gets worse, so I hop out with the umbrella, grab Abby and race to the door! I get her in class & signed in and head out! As I'm trying to get in the car the umbrella pops down and all the water from it and the sky poors down on me, so now I'm soaked and running real late! I finally get to work, no where to park, so I park at a meter, find a little change and run in the building. By this time it's 9:15, so I'm about dry when I remember I gotta go add some more change, I take the elevator from 22 down to 3 hop out and go down the hall around the corner and freeze, it's POORING DOWN!! CRAP! No umbrella, oh well, don't need a ticket, I run out the door up the steps and dang, it starts thundering and coming down like crazy, so I'm soaked, but got the meter paid, after finding a dry place and taking a quick smoke break I run back in the building. Now I'm cold & wet, I stepped in a huge puddle and emerged my shoes in water, so now I'm sqeaking when I walk. I run in the bathroom to see how great I look and realize, my light colored khaki pants and rain are not a good combo, as I look in the bathroom mirror to see my stripped drawers staring back at me! Dang it! Oh well I can stay seated until I leave in about 2 hours for the dentist. I come back and sit down and my cell rings, here's how the convo goes,

Dentist office: "hey Charlene this is Dr. such and such calling to confirm your appointment tomorrow"
Me: "I thought it was today"
Dentist: "no it's tomorrow"
Me: "thanks for calling"

Great, this day is just getting better! I shutter to think what will happen next!!! And if this dude across from me doesn't quit blowing smoke up people's butt about how great he is, I think I'm gonna scream!!!!!!!!!

My Baby's 4!

I've been thinking about Abby turning four for a while now, but it never really hit me and sank in, until last night, when I put 4 birthday candles in her cake, and I was like, well this is it, it's official, my baby is 4! Next year she will be going to school, then next thing you know she will be driving and dating and graduating, oh where has the time gone? I'm so not ready! I look at her and she is still so small, yet she's getting so big! My baby isn't really a baby any more, and by the way, she will tell you, "I'm not a baby, I'm a big girl", but I still can't help but call her my baby and like I told her, she will always be my baby, even when she's in her thirties and has kids of her own! I was thinking last night, this time four years ago, I was sitting in the hospital with my husband and my Mom and other family and friends, all looking at my baby for the first time! I waited nine long months to look at her sweet face, and that it was, she looked like an angel to me! If you are not a Mom, you can not imagine what it feels like to love someone so much! I loved my little sister a lot and my nieces and nephews a lot, but it's different when you have your own child, it's this little miracle that's an actual part of you, it is truly amazing! I'm so fortunate to have a healthy and happy baby, excuse me, big girl!

The Celebrations are about to begin

Saturday is my baby's fourth birthday party! I'm so excited and at the same time a little sad, she has grown so much in just four short years. Where has the time gone? It seems like it was just yesterday that I was rocking my tiny baby in the blue glider my Mama bought for me just to rock Abby in, she was so small and the world was just perfect, well except for the whole lack of sleep, constant feedings, crying and trying to figure out what was wrong (that was both of us), ok, so it wasn't perfect, but it was pretty darn close. My baby isn't really a baby any more, I started noticing it last year when she turned three, but now she's one year away from starting, school! I can't believe it. I have always heard people say time flies, but it never really rang true to me, until I had my daughter. Now here she is walking, talking, running, dancing and it was just a short time ago, she couldn't get around without me. I never knew how much my life could change in just nine months, but it did. My life is so much better and richer because of my daughter. Even now, as I drop her off at daycare, I still hate that I'm not home with her, you would think I would be use to it after almost four years, but I'm not, I love to spend time with my baby, and some days I just want to cry because I can't dedicate my whole day just to her, but she understands, well kind of, she knows if she wants to get that trix yogurt and new baby dolls and watch her favorite shows on tv, then mama has to go to work, cause that's how it all gets paid for! I look back on pictures from four years ago and think how much things have changed. This time Four years ago, I was sitting at my Mom's house or at home with Scott and we had no idea what Abby would look like, every time her birthday rolls around we always say that. We had no idea this precious little black headed baby with big blue eyes was coming to melt our hearts and change our lives forever, someone that would love us in Abby's words "the whole wide world" and that we would love that much and more, was going to grace us with her presence soon. Time has really changed a lot, I lost my Mom nine months after Abby was born, one of the most important people in my life, since then I've lost my Grandmama and a few others in my family, we moved to a new city, I've lost touch with some of my family, I've gotten a few new family memebers, we got kind of a small farm going on with all the animals we have now, it's just life though I guess, Life is contantly changing and it's never going to be the same, you just learn to live in it and keep going, that's all you can do, just look forward to the present and forget parts of the past, you can't forget it all, because then you'd be leaving out some of the best parts of your story. So as I get ready for the 4th of July and my baby's 4th birthday, I'm moving ahead and looking forward to the future and the new adventures we have ahead of us. Have a safe & Happy 4th!

Just another day in paradise

There is this place called paradise, it is the life that I live in daily, now true, it is not always the place I love to be, but it's where I am, so I might as well enjoy it, right? I love how no matter how far you try to stay away from drama it keeps finding you, some people are loser men magnets, I am a family drama magnet! Maybe one of these days, i'll learn to quit answering my phone, if it's important enough, they'll leave a message. Then of course if I don't like what they say, i've got to call back and put in my 2 cents, maybe that's why I get stuck in the drama, because I can't let it go, I am envious of people that can do that. But when I see something that is wrong and get called out on it, yea, I'll speak my mind, and if you don't want to know my opinion, don't ask, and don't provoke me. Why do people not get that? especially when you are wearing me patience thin! I had a phone conversation with a few people that took a not so good turn and what happened? People got hurt, if some people would keep their nose out of other's business that never would have happened. It's crazy, I want to have a wonderful birthday party for my daughter and let the day be all about her, why can't everyone else do that? If they supposedly love her, let her have her day, drama free. I have this one sister who is great, I don't know what I would do without her. She keeps me grounded and gives me her opinion and advice and keeps me sane in a world of crazies! I tell ya, i'm very lucky to have her! In all that happened with the phone crap all I was worried about was what she would think. Now I've talked to her and it's like, I'm good, i'm not going to let it bother me! She's my Dali Lama or whatever. She's my calm & reason! I know it sounds dumb, but it's true. And it's funny how close we are, and we hardly get to see each other, but you wouldn't know it. We have a lot of the same values and I respect her as a person and most importantly as a Mother. There are only a few women in my life that I try to keep my mothering skills like, and she's one of them and she always has been. I believe it's because she had a good Mother. So hopefully I can be the kind of Mom my Mom was to me and Jen is to her kids, so that one day, Abby will grow up to be a great Mother too. Marcie is another person I think a lot of and that has a good influence on mine & Abby's life, she is a super grandmother & step mom. She loves Abby so much and I hate that my Mom is not here to be with Abby, but she would be glad that Abby does have a Grandma down here with her and while she is watching over her in heaven. I was crying the other night and Abby said, "Mommy what wrong?" I said, "well baby, you know how sometimes you miss me when I'm not with you, well, sometimes I miss my Mommy when she's not with me, and now is one of those times," she said, "can't she come to see you" I said, "Baby I wish she could, but she's got to stay in Heaven and help Jesus," so she hugged me and said, "I love you Mommy" she never questioned why, she just accepted it. Kids are so smart sometimes, they have such a good intuition. Sometimes I'll be thinking of Mama and missing her terribly and out of the blue Abby will come up and hug me and say, "I love you" I swear I wonder if sometimes Mama isn't sending her over to do that. Ok, so maybe it sounds crazy, but I get through it thinking things like that. And I know my Mama and if there was any way she could get to us kids, especially when we were hurting she would, even if she had to have a little help from her grandbabies.
I can't believe it's only a few short days until my baby's 4th bday. Time has surely flown by. Take care & I'll be back soon.

So here goes

I have always had a passion for writing. I found a friend of mine had a blog and she could just type out her feelings whenever she wanted, it's like having your own therapist there and ready whenever you need it, only it's free and it's out there for the whole world to read, but other than that, I think it's pretty cool. So I figured I'd give it a shot and see what happens. I found myself reading this person's blog everyday and might I add, it is sooo entertaining! She's a cool crafty mama, that always has something to say! I may not be as crafty or as cool, but maybe if nothing else, this might be entertaining, if nothing else, it will get my writing again, and that's is what I have missed! I hope that one day I can be the journalist I have always wanted to be! We'll see maybe not, maybe this will be as far as I get, but at least I'm back in the saddle. There is no telling what you will be reading from me on here, anything from crazy kiddie stories about my daughter to the goofy things I'm thinking or planning to do. Just so you know a little about me, I love my family, my daughter is an only child and the number one person in my life! I have a great husband and family, well most of my family, but we all know how that goes. I love writing and photography and have for as long as I can remember. I work full time and have been at the same job for 8 years. My favorite color is blue. I love shopping, rodeos, jeep riding, fishing, listening to audio books, my Aunt's chocolate pie, chicken fingers (gotta have those), Dr. Pepper, Sweet Tea, sitting outside, when it's cool, playing in the sprinkler with my daughter and all sorts of other stuff. I have a great house in the country and it is well worth my drive to work. It's nothing big or fancy, but it's just right and that's what I like about it. I'm a people person most of the time and love to help people, but don't like to be used or taken advantage of. My sign is scorpio and I'm very true to that. Well that's it for now. Check back and see what I write next.