blues

I think I have the blues, only I don't think they ever go away, they subside and burry down deep for a while and then keep coming back, I can't seem to kick them completely. I feel alone in my marriage, the words loveless marriage keep going through my mind, I don't know if that's true or not, and that's sad, you would think after being with someone for almost 10 years, you would know whether you love them or not. I think part of it is my mood, depression, blues, whatever you want to call it, the other thing is we just never get out together by ourselves, that might help, but for the most part, we hardly even talk any more and when we do, we end up getting mad or aggravated at each other. I'm tired of it, but yet, don't feel like doing anything about it, just like with other things in my life, the house work, the bills, I just don't care any more, if it's not related to taking care of my child it's gotten left behind. I take care of her and I go to work, that's about it. The worst time is when I'm at home, I guess because I put on a good show for people everyday, and when I'm at home, I can just be, I don't have to fake it. I don't know what my problem is. I've been on an anti-depressent since my Mom died four years ago, I don' t know if my system has just gotten use to it and I need to take more or what. I hate to even admit that I'm on one, much less think about having to take more. Last time I talked to the Dr. about it, she told me some of the things i tell her sound like symptoms of ADD and wanted to put me on more meds. Ok, I hate taking medicine, I finally caved and started taking the one when I realized there was nothing I could do to fix the problem on my own, but I don't want to keep adding to it and taking more and more stuff for all sorts of different things they THINK I may have. Anyway I'm just down in the dumps and felt like writing. Maybe it will help, maybe not, but it was worth a try.